Crazy Hot!

Wish I was writing about a hot man, but I’m not.  It’s the weather.  I live in the Southeast US.  High temps in the summer is a constant issue anyway, but high humidity just adds to the immense suffering.

I love that the Weather Channel’s mobile app puts the “feels like” temperature in big font.  That way, I can see that it “feels like” 110 degrees outside when the thermometer shows 95 degrees.  “Feels like” is more accurate because if you account for the humidity, it IS 110 degrees.

I “feel like” I miss out on life when it gets too hot outside.  That’s when I don’t go outside.  There are lots of people who actually enjoy the heat and like to sweat.  I don’t understand it.  I am happiest when it is 70 degrees outside.

Now you may be wondering, why is this a hot topic for me today?  I am going with a friends on an overnight beach trip, that’s why.  Thank God we’re not camping; we would never camp anyway.  Tomorrow is going to be 97 degrees and that isn’t even the “feels like” temperature!  I’m praying for good cloud cover and wind.  Some mighty thunderstorms in the afternoon would be helpful as well.

I’m grateful for my friends and am sure we will have fun.  I am equipped with two battery-operated fans and a case of bottled water.  I’ll be fine, I think.  Wish me luck!

Baby Love, Oh Baby Love

There is something wrong with me.  I’ve been a little obsessed with looking at babies and it has gotten worse in the last couple of weeks.  I’ve gotten up in the middle of the night twice to watch YouTube videos of babies for hours.  As you can imagine, there is no shortage of baby videos.

Maybe it’s a perimenopausal issue, although that’s speculation.  I can’t find any articles about baby obsessions during perimenopause on Psychology Today or WebMD.   Those articles focus mostly on hot flashes, fatigue, urinary leakage and mood swings.  THANK GOD I don’t have any of that going on.  If I had mood swings, my friends would definitely tell me.  The only symptom I have is trouble sleeping — occasionally.  I can fall asleep, but wake up and have a strong craving to watch baby videos!

Before I had my son, I did not want kids.  Luckily for me, I was diagnosed as infertile anyway.  Then when I was 41 years old, surprise!  I got knocked up!  That is when the baby obsession really started, which was a good thing since I was having one.  I guess that was nature’s way of preparing me for motherhood and I loved it.  Now my son is 9 years old and the baby craving is the strongest it has ever been.

Even if I could have another baby, I would not want one.  I just like to look at them and want to hold them for a few minutes.  That’s it.  No diaper changes, baby carriers or feedings desired here.

No, I don’t want to babysit. No, I don’t need a cat.  I already have one.

Oh well, I’ll just keep enjoying those baby pictures and videos.  Surely the baby cravings will go away someday!  Won’t they?

 

 

Thoughts on “Law of Attraction”

Before I got married, I really had my shit together.  I was living the life I wanted and all was perfect.  Let me count the ways:  (1) a Masters degree and first certification, (2) a great job that I excelled at, (3) a condo in the best part of Atlanta, (4) very physically fit and healthy, (5) a very active social life and (6) dated handsome guys.  My life was exactly how I designed it to be.  I did not know ANYTHING about Law of Attraction and manifestation.  I just knew I had confidence that everything I was trying to attain would happen, and it did.

Unfortunately, I attracted the wrong kind of guy.  I did not listen to my intuition and went ahead with the wedding.  You know the story — my perfect life went to hell.

After leaving the ex, all decisions focused on returning my life to the way it was before marriage.   In 3 1/2 years, have actually improved upon 3 of the 6 previous accomplishments:  (1) earned more professional certifications (2) a great job that others admire and (3) a townhouse in a beautiful neighborhood.

Accomplishment (4) “physically fit and healthy” has become my biggest challenge.  My intention has been to follow a low carb diet and become more active.  That is how I was able to keep my perfect weight before marriage.  I have not been successful.  This is a good example of where the Law of Attraction comes into play.

I have not been able to imagine myself as a healthy and fit person.  All I’ve been able to see is this dumpy girl with health issues and no energy.  I’ve bowed out of so many social engagements because of how I look and feel, which of course has negatively affected (5) a very active social life and (6) dating handsome guys.

The good news is I may be turning a corner.  I was invited by my company to the Make-a-Wish Ball, which is a black tie affair.  I used to go to fancy balls and parties in Atlanta so I did not hesitate.  I wore a beautiful long black figure-flattering evening dress and I had just gotten my long hair highlighted that day.  I felt like I rocked and most importantly, I FELT thinner, energetic and confident.  I had nice conversations with people I did not know and attracted men to dance with me.

The Law of Attraction experts say your thoughts create your reality.  I know that is true. I think my experience at the Make-a-Wish Ball gave me a taste of what my life could be again.  I had great clarity on what I needed to do to meet my weight loss goal.  I went through my cabinets, fridge and freezer and loaded two brown grocery bags full of high carb foods.  I took those to the Food Bank where there were a group of elderly people waiting to get their groceries.  I felt doubly good because I got rid of the food I should not eat and gave it to those in need.  Additionally, I have had no carb cravings and my blood sugar is now normal.

I’ve also received clarity about (5) my social life.  Before I was married, there was no Facebook or Meetup and I still had a very meaningful and active social life.  Now post-divorce, I realized I accumulated too many  acquaintances to keep up with via Meetup events and Facebook posts.  Those superficial relationships took my time away from really dear friends, and that did not make me feel good.  It actually sucks energy out of me, so I’ve dropped out of most Meetups, removed Facebook from my phone, and created an “aquaintances” group in Facebook where all acquaintance posts automatically go for me to ignore.  I can still see my close friends’ Facebook posts on my laptop, and my close friends know my phone number.  If any acquaintances become close friends, then I’ll move them out of the acquaintances group.

As far as (6) “dating handsome guys” goes, I’m not trying to attract that really.  I’m focusing on getting my health back in order and (6) “dating handsome guys”will come later.

A close friend just did me a favor and sent this link to a fantastic article:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gabrielle-bernstein/manifest-desires_b_1404543.html.  It is the best article on Law of Attraction (Manifestation) that I have ever read.  It’s really realistic — not one of those “if you think about your life with a million dollars, a million dollars will come to you” kind of articles.  I’m printing it out and putting it on my bulletin board to read whenever I start to slide back downhill.  I hope it will be useful to you too.  Enjoy!

Let’s try this diet again . . .

My kid keeps reminding me that I look like I’m going to have a baby.  Yea, yea, yea.  I know.  I’m round in the middle with thin arms and legs like Mr. Potato Head.  It’s time for this gut to go!   I’ve done a terrible job of taking care of myself.  I don’t eat well and don’t exercise.  I’ve literally become a couch potato.

I’m in the same age bracket as Jennifer Aniston.  OMG, would I love to look like Jennifer Aniston.  I used to be skinny like her.  Surely I can make that happen again, right?  She was named the Most Beautiful Person in People Magazine this year.  And she’s in my age range.  It can be done.

I’m trying to go low carb AGAIN because that always worked for me in the past.   I even cleaned out my cabinets and fridge and donated two big bags of food to the food bank.  They need the food way worse than I do.

I’ve been reading lots of articles and watching videos on the topic of low carb dieting.  A lot has changed since I was skinny.  I saw one video that touted the benefits of nuts.  I love nuts; however, I learned a big lesson about nuts last night.

I had a serious bout of bloating.  SERIOUS as in I could not fit into any of my pants.  I was supposed to go to a concert with friends and had to nix that plan.  Thank God my son wasn’t here to see me.  I was at least 6 months along in my fake pregnancy.   I decided to surf the web and see what I could find on bloating.  Geez, I found out everything makes you bloat, even coffee!   I was able to narrow my problem down to macadamia nuts.  Yep, they are a fierce force of bloating to reckon with.

Wish me luck on my weight loss venture.  Apparently I don’t know WHAT I can eat anymore.

 

Who is truly poor?

I used to be poor.  Well, I THOUGHT I was poor.  When I graduated from junior college, I could not find a good paying job.  I could barely afford my car payment, rent and utilities for my loft apartment.  I lived on canned vegetables and never had money to go out to dinner or do anything fun.  It was a miserable existence for a young single woman, but the experience gave me the drive to go back to college and build a better career.  That was over 20 years ago and I haven’t thought about that struggle in a very long time.  I just now learned that I was never really poor.

Yesterday, I was perusing articles on the NPR, New York Times, CNN and other news websites.  I came upon an article about Cage Homes in Hong Kong.  Yes, people are so poor that they live in 6′ long by 4′ high cages stacked on top of one another that are built inside old dilapidated apartment buildings.  It’s just enough room for a makeshift mattress and a few personal items.  The tenants rent the cages and share bathrooms and kitchens.  The conditions are deplorable.  Can you imagine living in cages like animals?  These people do it for decades.

In New York City, there are “flophouses”, which are old buildings from the late 1800’s that rent tiny 6′ x 4′ cubicles the size of a twin mattress with a little extra room to walk in.  The walls of the tiny cubicles do not reach the ceiling; they have just some chicken wire tacked across the top so the tenants cannot climb over the top of the walls.  I read about one flophouse that had 8o tiny rooms on each floor and one bathroom with 6 sinks, 2 shower stalls, and 4 toilets.  The interior rooms without windows rent for $10 per day.  Those with windows rent for $15 per day. Mostly Chinese men who do not speak English live in the flophouses and they mainly work in Chinese restaurants.

There are also “three-quarter houses” in NYC that simply rent beds to men and women.  Most three-quarter houses have multiple bunk beds in every room of the house including hallways and kitchens.  Up to 30 people will share a 2-bedroom house with one bathroom.  People on public assistance pay $215 a month for a bed.  Most of the houses are in disrepair, having major electrical and plumbing issues plus insect and rodent infestation.  People live in these houses for many reasons — they are transitioning from prison, are unemployed, are mentally ill, are recovering addicts or homeless.  They would rather live in these houses than be homeless or live in a shelter.  There are an estimated 10,000 people living in three-quarter houses.  91% of them are unemployed.

As for poor families in other areas, they live in old trailers, slums and shanty towns with no air conditioning and oftentimes no heat or electricity.  When I was a teenager, I went on a mission trip to Robeson County, NC and visited an elderly woman who lived in a shanty that had no indoor plumbing or electricity.

So, I’ve just learned that I have never been poor.  I’ve learned that even without a big house and fancy car I’m in the top 1% of wealthiest human beings on the planet.  That is disturbing.

 

 

It’s a sad week in music . . .

It is not a happy time for this mama.

I’m a big fan of music, and it has been a sad week for three reasons.

1.  I live in North Carolina and Governor Pat McCrory signed a ridiculous anti-LGBT bill last month that is making our state look VERY bad.  Not only is it WRONG, STUPID and EMBARRASSING, but it is also costing the state millions of dollars in lost business.  We are losing hundreds of new jobs because of this bill.  Concerts like Boston and Pearl Jam have been canceled in protest. I have wanted to see these bands for 20 years and was finally able to afford tickets to see both.  I also had this cool custom T-shirt made for the Pearl Jam concert (see photo).  You can read more about Pat McCrory’s decision and the outcome here if you are curious.
2. I blew off The Embers concert tonight to catch up on work, do laundry and clean the house.  Guess what.  I did not do much of that.  I highly regret not going to the concert.  Life is too short not to make time for good music.
3. I got online and saw that Prince died.  What a SHOCK.  I am a big fan.  To me and millions of fans, he was really a musical genius.  He could play lead guitar like nobody’s business.  Obviously, Jimi Hendrix was his fashion and musical influence.  I love Jimi Hendrix’s music and style even though he died before I was born.  His music lives forever.  Just like Hendrix, Prince’s style was cool.  Always so cool.  His music will live forever too.

I do not have custody of my son this weekend and the weather is supposed to be nice so I’m going to the beach with a friend.  I need to get away and see some beauty.  In the meantime, I hope my Heart & Joan Jett concert does not get canceled and that nobody else dies this week.

RIP Prince.

Everybody is an “Expert”

I have a gripe and I’m going to rant a bit today.  How the hell did so many knuckleheads become experts in LIFE?

They call themselves life coaches,  life design coaches, lifestyle coaches, happiness coaches, life transformation coaches, life optimization coaches, motivational coaches, etc., etc., etc.  It’s a sick racket.

I come across their websites, Facebook advertisements, LinkedIn posts and YouTube channels (all by accident).   I often look them up to find out what their credentials are.  Since most do not give any information about their credentials, how do people know they are qualified to help them with their “life problems”?

I looked into this further and found out anyone can get a life coach certification from any online certification program within 6 months or less. There is no governance or requirements for this “profession”.  I’ve read a lot of psychology and self help books so that qualifies me to be a life coach, right?

I read a USA Today article by Karen Peterson about this issue.  Here’s what she reported, “Virtually anyone can declare himself a life coach, says David Fresco, a psychology professor at Kent State University, Kent, Ohio. “There are no qualifications, no unified approach to coaching, no oversight board. Basically they fly under the radar screen of any sort of oversight.” And the virtues of what many offer are unproven, he says.”

So maybe you are wondering why I care.  Or maybe you figured out by now where this rant is really going.

A few years ago I joined a Meetup group called “Listen to Your Life”.  Of course the group was lead by a life coach.  I did not know anything about life coaches and I was really intrigued about how life coaches helped people improve their lives.  At that time, I had just left my (very mean) ex-spouse and was trying to put my life and self-esteem back in order.

The life coach offered the Meetup group a half-day workshop about identifying goals, setting intentions, developing action plans, etc. and it was only $50.  So I went and it was actually quite good.  However, at the end of the workshop she hit everybody up to join a 6-week program that involved a 2-hour conference call every week. The fee was $300, which was like asking me for a pot of gold.  At the time, I was paying enormous legal fees and trying to get myself and my son settled into our new abode. Well, I coughed up the $300 anyway.

There were 6 women on those weekly conference calls.  I was under the impression that the purpose was to teach us some life strategies and coping skills.  Oh no.  She had each of us talk about our goals and what we achieved that week.  And of course, those goals revolved around each person’s problems.

Holy crap, I spent $300 to hear about other people’s problems that were so minuscule compared to mine.  To make mattes worse, I was dead last in that round robin of reporting, and I was too exhausted to say much.  After the first session, I informed her that I had trouble being on a 2-2 1/2 hour call after working all day.  Apparently, I’m the only person who ever complained.  After making it through the 6 conference calls, I never went to another Listen to Your Life Meetup again.

Definitely a lesson learned for me.  If an “expert” in life does not have a M.S. or  Ph.D. in Counseling or Psychology, then I instantly decide they lack credibility and dismiss their books and programs.  A life coach will never ever get another dime from me!

 

 

 

 

The Millionairess Next Door?

“The Millionaire Next Door” is absolutely one of my most favorite books.  It was written in 1996 by Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko.  Yes, I read it 20 years ago but I thought it was so smart that I’ve remembered the theories.

According to the calculations in the book, I’m supposed to have total accumulated wealth of $450k by now (I’m 51 years old — yes, an older mom — don’t judge me!).  I’ve almost got the $450k, but all that means is I am doing well for 1996!

I’m planning to work for 16 more years, but in reality I’m going to work until I’m disabled or demented or I just die.    I’ve got responsibilities.

First, I have a mortgage and fees = $12k per year.  Smartly (like the book advises), I bought a less expensive townhouse so I’m not overburdened with an expensive mortgage.

Second, I know I will have to pay for my son’s college in 8 years.  He’s a gifted student so he will probably get into a good university.  In-state schools are still insanely expensive at $40k per year if he lives on campus.  Poor little guy may just have to live at home and go to a local university.  Bummer for him.

Third, according to a Harvard Business Review article I just read, I need $400k just to pay medical expenses after I reach retirement age.   The ladies in my family live until their late 80’s – mid 90’s so I do believe that $400k estimate is correct in my case.

So, here is the math:

• I have $425k + should have $824k in wages after tax and 401k withheld over 16 years + should have $160k in additional 401k contributions by age 67 = $1.4M + stock earnings and interest.  I would be the Millionairess at age 67, except for these expenses . . .
• I’ll need a total of  $551k to cover remainder of mortgage, college and old age healthcare.  I’ll need $105k to pay for utilities, food and clothes over a 20 year span.
• Not counting the stock earnings & interest, that leaves me with $858k to pay for utilities, food and clothes over a 20 year span.
• If I stopped working at 67 and died at 87,    Looks like I’m set and can even buy a car or two.

Whew, if my math is right (which is unlikely), maybe I can retire at 67.  If it is not right, thank goodness I love my profession.

 

My Favorite Date Night

I just finished working.  Yes, I know it’s quite late  on a Friday night.  I am getting ready to enjoy my favorite date night with myself.   I’ve worked hard all week and I’ve earned it.

I am in my comfy pajamas, got my wine and cheese and a feel-good movie.  This is why I’m never getting married again.  This may be why some women never get married.  We’re not lonely.  We truly enjoy the solitude.  It’s peaceful.  We don’t have to compromise on ANYTHING.  What could be better than that?

Friday date night with myself has another purpose.  I rest up for Saturday night, which is either a date with a guy or going to a party or dancing with friends.  Most often, I choose to go out with my friends.

I don’t go on many dates with guys because I have very rigid requirements.   I can tell very quickly if a guy meets my criteria or not.   I REALLY like short guys.  Since I’m only 5’1″, it is really easy to find a guy taller than me who is still short.  The guy also must be able to carry on an intelligent conversation and have similar interests as me.  It doesn’t hurt for him to have an advanced degree, professional job and ambition too.  I’ve got 2 Masters degrees and a great job so that’s not asking too much.  Of course he has to be somewhat attractive and healthy.

If you’re wondering, I never do online dating.  I do just fine meeting and weeding out men in person.

My dad is so funny.  He pointed out that Gwen Stefani and Blake Sheldon really do not match — she is a Cadillac and he is a Ford pick up truck.  I can’t date anyone so opposite like that. I married that and endured that relationship for WAY too long.  As you already guessed, I was the Cadillac.

Some of the single women I have met will go out with ANY guy — and they really complain about the dates.  They usually tell me they just want a free meal and free drinks.  They are awful idiots!  Those poor guys.  And who has time and energy for that?  Most of us smart single parents don’t want to spend our precious time with people we are not compatible with.

It’s time for me to stop ranting and get on with my favorite date night.  Good night!

 

How much is too much?

My son seems to have an awful lot of homework for a 4th grader.  Tonight, he had to read about the tobacco industry in NC, write a page about it, and create a PowerPoint presentation on the topic.  This is part of his Economics studies.  Wow.  I did not even know kids that age were learning PowerPoint or Economics in public school.  I guess the earlier, the better.

It took 30 minutes just to write the paper (with my help) and creating the presentation took another 45 minutes (with my help).   Are 9-year old kids really expected to research, write papers and create presentations all on their own?   Maybe genius kids are, but for the average kid, I think that’s too much!  The National Education Association endorses 10 minutes of homework per day per grade.  I guess that means my son (and I) should have had it all the homework completed within 40 minutes.  If that’s true, we’re obviously slow.

I also wonder if I’m helping too much.  I do not know what is an acceptable level of help.  I wish there was more guidance provided for parents of older elementary school children.  When I ask other 4th grade parents that I know, all of them have to help their kids get through the assignments.  I wonder how long I’ll have to keep this up — through middle school?

Ugh, I’m going to stop whining about this and enjoy it.  By helping him with homework, I am learning a lot.  Although I have 2 Masters degrees, apparently I am not smarter than a 4th grader.